So today was pretty rough... I took most of the day off so i could go our viewing. i cried most of the time while i was at work anyway so there wasn't really a point in me being there. Tomorrow morning tori and i are going with chris's family out to the lake where the accident happened so they can see. I haven't been down there yet so we'll see how we all handle it. I miss him so much he's the one that i call when things like this happen... he's helped me through so much stuff in my life. I really wish that I could have went with them to the lake because for one we would have went to a completely different lake and for two matt or someone would have been out there with him. I feel terribly because I wish that i could have spent one more day with him and i keep doing what ifs in my head but I know that won't help  any of us through it. I just hope he knows how much i love him! He was my best guy friend. The last thing i remeber doing to him was trying to kick him in the face which i almost succeeded at until he grabbed my foot and almost made me fall on my butt. I have so many memories with him but I don'thave any pics of us together which sucks a lot. Nicoles gonna be born in about a month which is real exciting. I can't wait. She'll probably end up being just like Christopher which could be a bad thing lol. I hope tori knows that i love her and that i'm gonna help her through this in everyway i can and i'm gonna be there for her always.

You can have it all back. I can't believe that you lied to me to get what you wanted. I don't understand how i could be so easily pushed into doing something that i knew was wrong. How could you take it all away from me and then act like you did nothing wrong. That's bull shit. I can't believe that one person could ruin everything in a matter of seconds. This really sucks you must think you're pretty clever for making me fall for it but what you don't know is that it's gonna come right back to you soon and it's gonna hurt a hella lot worse for you than it did me. So have your fun but remember i know your weaknesses and i will get you back for this!